18 replies to this topic

[Fluffy_Bunny]

For all you believers out there don't read any further!


As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18 ) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 22.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The head pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now - don't tell the kiddies!

And on another note, THE ELVES FIGHT BACK!

http://www.unf-unf.de/show.php?did=444

[BKBuffyGurl]

HAHAHAHA oh geez this is waaaay funnier than that letter to Santa. Poor Santa he's all dead now. But maybe it magic.....oh well that was absolutely hilarious.

[angelicprincess104]

wow...whoever actually came up with this stuff has way too much time on their hands!! :wink:

[wretched]

Quote

HAHAHAHA oh geez this is waaaay funnier than that letter to Santa.

I disagree




and there's one factor that the report didn't mention: MAGIC. Remember the Santa Clause where the little kid said how time practically stopped when they were in the sleD?

[SoAd7980]

rofl.....

[StrongBad]

There's something that can easily explain a lot of things. As one goes faster and approaches the speed of light, time slows down for the traveler (which explains how santa is still around hundreds of years later, he's not experiencing the same time) 8O , then there's the problem of the reindeer, the energy to propell the reindeer to such speeds is infinite but physicists have proven that once you get past that then the energy level to sustain faster than light travel decreases dramatically(don't ask me how that's possible, I failed the physics regents) So the reindeer merely have to be protected until they breach the light-speed barrier than the strain on them is much lower, so armored reindeer with faster than light capability is what we have, which is not impossible, merely highly improbable. But hey its christmas and Santa's got to get around somehow.
I mean, you don't think your parents and relatives are the ones behind the presents under the tree..... Do you?

[Xilenx]

you forgot to take into account how many christian families have a chimmney

[Fluffy_Bunny]

Consider that he has to stop and start the reindeers about one billion times. Where's the energy gonna come from?

[StrongBad]

perpetual motion machine inside each reindeer

[Xilenx]

Fairy dust.

[angelicprincess104]

i like the fairy dust suggestion more than the idea of a perpetual motion machine inside the reindeers...i think its more believable than a machine inside a reindeer :wink:

[StrongBad]

hey we're implanting microchips inside ourselves as another form of id, see the tech science(in the news, not Tech as brooklyn) article about it for more, anyway santa's been around longer than anybody elseso maybe its a perpetual motion machine run by fairy dust... (just to satisfy all involved)

[LeonM]

Santa is just another trademark and copyright of the Coca-Cola company. He exists striclty in the mind.

And yes Santa Claus is a registered trademark and copyright of the Coca Cola company, he was registered in the early 20th century. I know this becuase one of my many get rich quick schemes was to copyright Santa and have people/companies pay royalties to use his image and all likeness thereof.

Since that failed...on to Copyright Jesus.

[Xilenx]

8O so.. SANTA DOESN'T EXIST?! I HATE YOU! YOU'RE EVIL!

So, does that mean Coca Cola gets profit for everytime somebody even shows a bit of Santa?

Is it possible that I copyright brain activity too? Nobody has has that one right?

I thought Americans were just sue-happy.

[z2z007]

Can I copyright the word liberty or the word God? Then I'd have the government paying me sooooooooo much loyalties! Hehehehe... 8)

[LeonM]

No you can't, the govn't has a list of words and ideas that are not able to be be copyrighted or trademarked....im gonna search that list for "jesus" "christ" and "jesus christ"...but god is on there.

[Prezmet]

I think the article is missing one important fact - or maybe its not, after the fourth paragraph or so I couldn't bear to read anymore.

Santa has magic and time goes slower for him - duh! And also the basic laws of physics don't apply to him either. And since we're talking about laws neither the laws of any nation that apply to breaking and entering/trespassing. And the laws of physiology don't apply to jolly ol' St. Nick also. You know what? I don't think any laws apply to him so let's just leave it at that.

[Xilenx]

So you still believe he might exist huh?

[Prezmet]

Never have, never will.